How is compartmentalizing working for you?

Compartmentalization seems to get a good name from many executives. It has the ring of high executive functioning—argued for as an effective way to put aside conflicting thoughts and feelings to be dealt with later. This, so the reasoning goes, means you can focus on the task at hand. 

But does compartmentalization really work?

Not if you look closely—because it’s based on a misunderstanding about your brain and your feelings. 

First your brain does not have compartments. You have to “mentalize” the compartment. Meaning, you must think up a compartment in your brain that doesn’t actually exist, then think that you’re storing something unwanted and unresolved in that compartment, where you think it won’t bother you until you’re ready. 

The truth is your brain is too smart to be fooled by this sleight of mind—what’s unresolved will occupy your thoughts. Imagine, for example, you are about to present to a room full of VIPs. Just before you walk in to present, you find out that your dearest friend has just died. You “compartmentalize” your grief to focus on presenting. Do you think you would be unaffected? Do you think your presentation would be an authentic expression of you at your best? That’s unlikely, and the reason is because your brain, while trying to focus on being present, is busy suppressing your feelings. 

This gets us to the second, deeper misunderstanding: that compartmentalizing is necessary because your feelings are a threat that you should suppress. If you don’t suppress them, the thinking usually goes, you will reveal your feelings and make your life worse. There’s a vicious cycle at play: the more you think your feelings are dangerous and need to be suppressed, the more you teach your brain that feelings are scary, and the more you compartmentalize, which affirms your fear of feeling. You can get so used to this cycle that you numb yourself emotionally and you’ll lead with less vigor, enthusiasm, passion—and yes, sadness (which is underrated as an expression from executives—just consider when you need to mourn the loss of an employee). 

There is a way out of this cycle that is reinvigorating and refreshing—and means you’re neither numbing yourself nor oversharing your feelings. Imagine that instead of compartmentalizing unwelcome feelings you accept them and integrate them, making them welcome in your brain. You accept that you’re producing these feelings because you care about something and they are your way of acknowledging what you care about. Accepting your feelings this way means you immediately drop the conflict—and bring about peace in your inner world—and with that ease of mind you can freely choose what, how much, and with whom you express your feelings. 

Does this sound attractive? Then call us, because helping you come to that state for yourself is the work we do with clients every day.

For any serial compartmentalizers out there, consider this starting point: the next time you think of putting off upsetting thoughts and feelings, experiment with first labeling them as accurately as you can. Simply doing the work of labeling your feelings is remarkably liberating—and you’ll be teaching your brain to get curious about your inner world rather than numb to it. 

To being whole,

Tom and team