Slow down

“Slow down” is my oft-used phrase with busy clients. It’s a one-size-fits-all prescription. But it is especially useful in moments like this, when many people have woken up to an election result that was one they dreaded. This election has seemed so fraught—mainstream media and publications like The Economist have declared it a referendum on the state of democracy in America. Follow this line of thinking and now, as the New York Times puts it, America has elected an authoritarian president whose erratic impulses will no longer be checked by sober-minded counselors and the path ahead is dire. 

Regardless of who you had wanted to win, you’re going to need to deal with these predictions, the division-mongering of the past year, and the mercurial nature of Donald Trump. So here are some thoughts, shared as I’m wrestling with them myself. 

I want to:

Slow down… And be aware of the urge to blame. There will likely be a lot of finger-pointing in the weeks, months, even years to come. Democrats to blame for this, Republicans to blame for that. The blame game will start in earnest. There’s something very enticing about blame, because it seems empowering to make others responsible for our upset. But consider the effect on our brains. Do you feel empowered and at peace when you blame others? When we keep accusing and blaming others for our upset, we make ourselves powerless to resolve it because we don’t see it as ours to resolve—we deny our ability to respond, to learn and to understand.

Slow down... And notice any fear. One of the challenges of being human is that our brains are prediction machines and many of our predictions are fear-informed. One of the things I address in my work is the harmful effect of how we handle fear. Most people seek some distraction from it, or some numbing mechanism (I predict a lot of social media threads along the lines of “I need a drink”). But that just gives fear more dominion. It’s a bigger conversation but the punchline is that we get scared of how much we feel. The more you care about something, the more deeply you feel about it, the more scared you may become of the intensity of your feelings. If you want to handle your fear, it will help to be precise about what you’re feeling that you don’t want to feel. The more you acknowledge and label your feeling(s), the less anxious you’ll be. Hint: if you’re anxious, you’re likely protecting yourself from your anger or your sadness. 

Slow down… To be myself.  You didn’t change who you are overnight, did you? I didn’t. My promise is to live my life and lead my work in a way that expresses who I am, authentically. I am curious, I am hopeful, I want to bring people together, I love conversation and debate, I want to make the world a better place, I have a sense of humor. I love. All of that is as true today as it was yesterday, and will remain true whoever is in government. 

Last, not least: Slow down… to “let it be”. That’s not an argument for passivity. It’s an argument for dropping any inner resistance to what is so, today, and expressing what you do next from a place of equanimity rather than fear. The Beatles said it well.

With love, Tom