Embracing the discomfort of deep change
The streets are alive with protests for racial justice, and we’re in a pandemic that is being spectacularly mishandled in the United States by the most divisive president in American history. It’s a moment that demands strong values-centered leadership, an affirmation of shared responsibility for the suffering of Black people—and a commitment to systemic change.
To stay silent or play the “we don’t get involved in politics” card is to be complicit in the perpetuation of systemic racism. That’s unconscionable.
If ever there were a time for business leaders to take a moral stand, it’s now. So why is it a struggle for some?
The leaders I talk to have a genuine desire to engage in uncomfortable conversations, and address racial inequity and a lack of leadership from the Trump administration. But many are also wrestling with the problem of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” in terms of making strong statements. They are confronted with many demands to act and speak up—from publicizing anti-racist policies to deciding whether to join the boycott of advertising on Facebook.
They are worried they’ll screw up along the way and offend customers or employees. They’re worried about fumbling contentious conversations about race when they are white.
Some of those fears may be well placed. Who wants to be accused of virtue signaling? Or of polarizing their employees? Or cutting off revenue in an economically desperate time? Goodness knows a few progressive companies like LinkedIn have found that trying to address controversial topics can spectacularly backfire. Or remember when Howard Schultz put “Race Together” on coffee cups at Starbucks?
But NOT taking a stand is a mistake. Especially right now.
So if you’re one of those leaders, what do you do?
How do you take a strong ethical stand on behalf of your organization—for perhaps the first time—and how do you handle the discomfort that arises?
A time to lead with love, not fear
The founding principle of our business is to lead with love, not fear, into the unknown. Follow that principle, we believe, and you lead in a way that is transformational, positive, and “at your best”. It informs everything you do as a leader.
Here’s what that principle means in practice for this moment:
1 | Embrace the discomfort. That’s where growth occurs.
Let’s start with the problem of discomfort. Because it’s not actually a problem. Comfort is the real problem. We seek comfort, especially if we’re leading people. We want people to agree, come together, get the job done.
Discomfort arises from the friction between people as they examine and challenge their beliefs. Most managers’ first instinct is to reduce friction and recreate a feeling of comfort. Friction is particularly frowned upon in Silicon Valley, which is all about “removing the friction” from our lives. And that’s a really, really dangerous instinct because leaders end up seeking superficial harmony instead of a deep inquiry into what has to change.
This is a historic moment for embracing discomfort and rejecting superficial harmony. So much suffering has been perpetuated for so long against people of color in the U.S. not only because of a system that was designed to oppress them, but because well-meaning liberal leaders have embraced a comfort-seeking approach to racial justice that has allowed that racist system to persist. White leaders of conscience are belatedly waking up to this fact, a bit like Neo after swallowing the red pill in the Matrix.
There’s nothing comfortable about dismantling a system we all inhabited for so long. Nothing. So unless you want to perpetuate the suffering, let’s all deal with the discomfort.
Try this:
Brené Brown has a very helpful frame for this moment, which identifies the true source of our discomfort as an experience of shame—and we need to move through that experience bravely without thinking we’re being attacked: “Feeling shame and being accountable for white supremacy is not the same as being shamed.” Listen to her podcast and try these techniques:
Say: “I am here to get it right, not to be right”
Get good at recognizing your “blindspot indicators”. For Brené, it’s whenever she thinks to herself, “Why are you making me feel bad?”. In that moment she stops and really examines why she’s reacting that way.
Recognize the physical symptoms of discomfort and shame in your body, so you can learn to move through them.
2 | Take a stand that is authentic to you and to your organization
The starting point for any legitimate stand you take on behalf of your organization is its purpose and values. As the CEO of Intel said recently: “When sh*t hits the fan—whether it’s COVID or social justice—we look to our purpose to figure out what to do.” I sometimes have to prod executives to remind them of their purpose and values in moments like this. I point out that it’s not when they are convenient to follow that they matter, it’s when they are inconvenient to follow. For example, when you’re deciding whether to join a boycott of Facebook that would cost you business.
Try this:
Review your values and purpose and ask: “what values do we bring forward in this moment?” and “where are our actions not in alignment with these values?” or “what move, if we made it, would surprise people with how seriously we take our values?”
Do a perspective-taking exercise with your team. Write a story about how you embodied the best of your values in this moment, from a year in the future. What does it teach you to do now?
3 | Make your decision-making process transparent and inclusive
There’s a concept that is essential to good decision-making around contentious topics, and it’s “procedural justice”. If you run a transparent decision making process and involve people along the way, with clear criteria for how you make a decision, then people will accept it even if they disagree with it. It’s the foundation for our legal system. So as you’re making decisions right now, and taking strong stands, make your thinking transparent and principles-based. And involve people who will be affected.
Try this:
“Show your math”—Publicly share how you are making a decision or taking a stand and invite commentary
Be brave in involving and communicating with people who will be affected. For example, some leaders are directly reaching out to Facebook to ask for change and to inform them of joining the boycott.
4 | Above all, stand for love, not fear
Much of what passes for restraint in business is fear in disguise. Fear of losing power. Fear of Wall Street. Fear of public backlash. The only thing we know that is bigger than those fears is the presence of love. Love for a higher ideal. For humanity. For something, really, that is bigger than self. Think for a second about all the leaders you admire. When they acted bravely, did they have to face fear? Did they have to face the discomfort and resistance of others? Did they act anyway?
They acted from a place of love, not fear.
So, consider that in this moment, if you fear taking a stand or speaking up or acting on good conscience, you may be letting fear make you smaller than you really are. After all is said and done, better to have put yourself at risk by doing the right thing and learning your way forward than stay silent and shrink into the crowd—or worse, into the complicity of denial.
Try this:
Write out love vs fear in your own leadership. In work throughout my career I have asked people to draw up two columns, one that says “from a place of love”, the other “from a place of fear”, and then write examples of when they have acted from either mindset. Try it! The lists reveal one thing above all: when we lead from a place of love, we are true to our highest ideals, and we feel better about our leadership.
Then in terms of creating a point of view to promote for your organization, ask yourself, “in making this, am I leading from a place of love, or a place of fear?”
The next few months are going to be, at the very least, contentious. Will you lead with love, not fear? Will you take a stand against suffering? Will you embrace the discomfort of learning?
Lead bravely,
Tom and the team at TJA
Photo courtesy of Erica Fkiaras