Love gets too little love in the workplace
Love.
Love is patient. Love is kind.
Love is a many-splendored thing.
Love is a battlefield.
Love is the answer.
Love is all you need.
Love has many different definitions. It is an emotion, an appraisal, and a set of behaviors. It varies by relationship, by culture, and by person. It can be passionate or erotic, companionate or familial. It is an artist’s greatest muse, a politician’s currency, and the bedrock of the multi-billion dollar wedding industry.
Love is perhaps the most complicated and most powerful force in the world.
In the workplace, however, love gets little love. It’s looked down upon—treated as a sign of weakness, or worse, an HR liability. This thinking isn’t just limited, it’s detrimental to organizational effectiveness. It limits communication, impedes connection, and perpetuates outdated and ineffective ways of working and leading.
So, what is love’s role in the workplace? What does it look like and what does it do?
When we talk about love in the workplace, we aren’t talking about romantic love. We’re referring to a way of leading and interacting with others that is marked by deep understanding, respect, and trust. Leading with love requires seeing and appreciating others for who they are. It requires nurturing that which is good, forgiving shortcomings, and supporting others’ growth as you would your own. It is showing compassion, kindness, and gratitude—not out of self-interest, not to get ahead, but out of care.
Leading with love is the opposite of leading with fear. It is the distinction between being an advocate and being a critic. It is seeking opportunity, not simply avoiding risk. It is having the tough conversations and working through the discomfort they bring, not running away from it. When we lead with fear, we hide away our flaws and failures, we avoid asking for help so as to not appear weak, and we prioritize on our own gain and success, even if that means harming others along the way. That offers the illusion of short term gains and control, but at the risk of long term loss of supportive relationships and organizational trust. When we lead with love, we show vulnerability, we invite others in, we ask for and offer help, and strive to learn, grow, and succeed collectively.
The benefits of leading with love extend beyond ourselves, impacting the entire organization. When we lead with love, we build cultures of generosity, where sharing and helping others become the norm. We connect siloes, promoting collaboration over competition. We create safe environments for others to express themselves fully, unlocking overlooked diversities and paving the way for better decisions and more innovative ideas.
Leading with love is not passive or “weak.” It is quite the opposite. It takes strength to be a loving leader. It takes courage to have the tough conversations, to be sincere and honest when it would be more convenient to lie, and to put others’ interests above your own ego.
Leading with love is something we are all capable of, if only we dare to put aside our usual defenses.
Want to tap into that ability more? Here are three moments you’re likely to experience as a leader and which provide great opportunities to practice leading with love:
The moment: A colleague disagrees with you.
Avoid: Seeing the disagreement as a contest of wills, with a winner and a loser.
Try: Seeing the disagreement as an opportunity to solve a problem together and get a fresh perspective. Ask open-ended questions to understand their point of view, such as “what do you mean by..?” or “what else are you seeing that I’m not?”
The moment: A colleague shares some good news—they’ve earned a promotion or prestigious award.
Avoid: Downplaying their success or one-upping them by sharing your own good news.
Try: Celebrating their success as you would your own. Ask yourself, “what might I say or do to help my colleague savor this moment even more?”
The moment: One of your colleagues hasn’t been showing up at their best and it’s hurting the team.
Avoid: Shying away from the topic, making vague observations, or hoping it’ll all just blow over on its own.
Try: Sitting down with your colleague to share your observations. Be as specific as possible. Ask questions to uncover causes or obstacles that you may not have considered and offer your support to overcome them.
With love,
Laura Kurtz, PhD